Squeamish in a Library Corner

I go to the library for silence.

And sometimes for some quality time with my closer circle.

So this is what that happened: I want to finish up on my assignment, therefore I have a planned mindset to glue myself in the library until it closes. I don't have to be verbal about it -- my face tells everything. Without even an invitation, nor a gesture to inform, the said circle left to celebrate one of their birthdays.

I'm wearing my poker face. For those who know me close enough, they understand that such a face comes with a natural glare, thinly-pressed lips, and if I'm annoyed too much, an all-fat-layers-raised-cheeks smile.

Yes, I mean to creep.

For the first few hours, I find myself wedged between two matching entities -- my two classreps. How good are my relationships with the two?

My female classrep thinks that it's funny to burst out giggling while watching drama on her phone; my male classrep never fails to signal his progress in doing his assignments with constant "tsk"-ing and "YES!" And when the two of them converse over the little table that this multiracial combination are all crammed together at, I find myself imagining them blowing loud and unintelligible bubbles, added up with the hoarse friction of their strong throats.

Again, I go to the library for silence.

The role I play in this light-hearted harmony is the scratching of my nails on the keypad as I blow my not-quite-suppressed resentment into words. I don't usually do this, you see. I know to what extent of a b*tch I can be whenever I loosen the little grip on my temper. And the little bit of loosening is all it takes.

Nonetheless, the blame does not fall on any other factors but on my own officious nature. I can't simply "hang out" with most people, and I totally understand why people leave me alone. Even though I want to fit in with the rest of the crowd at times, I face difficulty in adhering to certain laws of socializing, such as DON'T BE WEIRD. After all, two conflicting personalities cannot be both dominant at the same time.

Anyway, as consolation, I'm reminding myself today that I have a achieved a feat -- having my English recognized to be better than some lecturers over here at my campus.

I'm not even sure whether it's a consolation -- The praise feeds my ego.

Sadly, it is just an unworthy praise given by the wrong people.

I quote, "Well, people who are really fluent in English don't become English teachers what."

FML.