A Lonely Piece of Mind

I was sitting alone.

It was a quiet endeavor, I'd decided, to sign in my blogger account. My Facebook account lied dormant; my Twitter, silent. Such was the life of a college student, even more ironically,  the life of a future teacher-in-training. Stunned in air-conditioned cold, my fingers tapped on the freezing keyboards, wondering how to live through my weekend.

It wouldn't be hard, I'm sure. Time flies.

Often challenges arose, when I was faced with questions as such:

"Are you SURE you want to become a teacher?"

"Do YOU want to become a teacher?"

"Why are you HERE?"

Most probably, I'd just lapse into silence. (A silence that made me look dumb, so said a friend.)

When one could not understand herself as much as to know whether she chose to come here or not, nothing could be said. Not really.

I'd made analysis, with an audience and without; in paper and mind; through phones and internet. You name it. Yet still I could not, with 200% confidence (100% is overrated in this competitive world) and a smile, tell you what I truly think about the profession.

However, I could actually tell you where I wanted to be --- Home.

Where the food is healthy;
Where the bed is cold (huh, strange expression, but this is Malaysia after all);
Where the roads are familiar even if you sleep-walked in the middle of the night.

Some parts of me -- and I'm damn sure some people too -- would love to tell me how annoying my whines and how childish I am, to grumble and cry like a little baby.

I understand. I truly do.

Even though I couldn't help myself.

All of a sudden, forgetting dinner and getting scolded is a luxury. So is cleaning dog poop, believe it or not.

Meh, I have known that growing up is hard --- It's just that, most of the times, theory and real-life experience don't really come into terms with each other.